“My experiences of change and transition over the last year”

Coach CeeJay reflects:

This year was going to be the year where I got my things in order. However, I feel like I haven’t been able to do that. I feel a sense of dissatisfaction with myself even though I know I am trying and the work that I do is important.

The transition that has happened this year for me was moving into a new space. I have been living in the comfort of university residence for the last 5 years. This has been such an extreme transition for me because I was able to get a space where I feel safe and also happen to move in with people who are very welcoming and show a lot of love to each other and me, but it meant that I would far from the things that I was used to. Seeing my friends can be a mission which has led to a sort of distance between us. However, we have been working to make this situation better. This transition has allowed me the chance to learn what it means to be alone, paying rent and just taking care of myself and my family, as an adult. It has helped me to reflect a lot on myself and the kind of person I want the world to see versus the person the world already sees.

So, I am now on that journey of accepting myself but also working on the things that I found needed to be worked on so that I can give the best version of myself to our participants, my friends and family, and myself.

It has been quite a journey. Sometimes, I find myself going back to my old ways but because I know why I’m doing this I always find a way back. Another transition I am experiencing is working on having difficult conversations. In my experience, these types of conversations have led to more harm than good. So, I have been working on that by myself and with my counsellor. It’s still a work in progress.

How has the NextGenWomxn programme helped you?

Being given the opportunity to take the lead in some of the NextGenWomxn (NGW) programmes has been such a wonderful experience because it has brought back my motivation and my confidence in my abilities to not only be a leader but also to take on responsibilities that I sometimes shy away from because I’m scared of failing. I have always felt that our communities lack knowledge and resources in many aspects of life and that is why people tend to make bad decisions or discriminate against others. I feel like it is my purpose to deliver that knowledge to the people so that we are all able to live in a safer South Africa and the NGW program has brought back that sense of purpose for me. 

What advice would you give to your 2023 self?

The advice I’d give to my last year self is to stop putting too much pressure on yourself and trust that what you have planned will work out. Even if it isn’t always according to the timeframes that you set.

Be okay with not succeeding in everything you do because that is also a learning opportunity.

You don’t always have to do too much to impress people and that who you are is enough. You’re doing great regardless of how you perceive yourself. Lastly, love yourself, talk to yourself and be okay with being by yourself. Too much of anything can be harmful and so you don’t need to be panicking and overthinking all the time because in the end things are going to come right because you are meant to do great things and you will be something great in the world, it’s only a matter of time.